Breast Cancer?! – (Why I) Relay For Life

Since last year, a lot has happened.  Things I will get into another time.
This time, I’d like to ask you for support.  Not only is finding a cure for cancer something close to my heart, but with current situations here, it’s something I feel I need to support more.

In short, I’m going to a surgeon due to possible breast cancer.
In November last year, I went in to see my family doctor for some problems I was having with my right breast.  He wanted me to try some creams.  When I went back in to tell him they didn’t do anything, he told me it could be Paget’s disease of the nipple.  December 24th I went in to see him again after finding a small lump in my breast.  He confirmed this and sent me for an ultrasound.  I had the ultrasound and went for my follow up appointment in the middle of January.  The ultrasound was clear.  Nothing on it, not even a cyst!  Protocal is to wait to see if it gets worse or goes away, so as I was sitting there in limbo, I went back in to see him last weekend after finding two more lumps.  One is an inch and half and shaped like a tear drop, second is like a long, skinny finger.  The first small lump is a ball shape.  All hard lumps however.
I saw him at the walk-in, he wants me in at the office on the 3rd so he can send a referral to a surgeon for a biopsy.

So, that has been a large part of my recent past/present, something that has me on edge worried literally sick that my kids will be left without a mother.  I’ve seen so many of my friends and family go through cancer and all but one have passed away.  My view on cancer is pretty grim to say the least.
What I’ve done this year, is joined the Relay For Life.  My kids and I are going to go down and walk at least 5km, every step counts!

What I’m looking for here is support.  Support for me…  I’m almost 30 years old, my kids are 7 and 8 this year.  My husband and I celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary this year, and 16 years together.  I was raised by my grandparents, who both passed away in 2006.
For my grandpa…my Daddy, who passed away from lung cancer at 65 years old.
For my cousin Felicia who passed away from brain cancer at just 23 years old, after going into remission 3 times.
For my great grandma who had stomach cancer which quickly spread.
For someone who was like an uncle, and my grandparents best friend, Ralph.
For my uncles girlfriends dad, who was also taken by lung cancer.
And for so many others!

Also for those who are fighting cancer.  They need the love, light, and strength to keep going on.
And for those dealing with the grief of losing someone from cancer.

Please help me by supporting my friends, family, strangers, and of course, by supporting me.
Click the photo below.  Any donation you contribute can be reimbursed when you do your taxes.
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A 72nd birthday wish to Heaven

I’m feeling about a million different things today.  For example, I feel I should have cut my nails prior to starting this post.  They’re so long it’s making typing very hard! lol  In all seriousness though, I’m feeling completely overwhelmed with emotions today.  I can feel it more because both kids are at school today, so I’m home alone.  If you’ve been reading my blog or have read any of the pages at the top, you’ll know that my grandparents raised me from 3 weeks old.  They were my parents up until 2006 when they both passed away.  My grandpa walked me down the aisle and gave me away in 2005.  He passed away November 24th, 2006 from lung cancer and my grandma on June 10th, 2006 after a brain injury.

Today would be my grandpas 72nd birthday.  He was just 65 years old when he passed away.  My grandma was only 62.  I suppose their ages play a roll in why I feel my life is half over at only 28 years old.
I remember sitting with him on his 65th birthday.  He was the kind of man that stayed strong until the end.  He never once wanted to show that he was, in fact, going to die.  He smiled.  He laughed.  He carried on normal conversations.  He also said “I love you” much more often though.  That day, that birthday meant so much to me.  That day was also the last time he ate anything…which was his cake.

Happy 72nd birthday Pop.  I miss you. (This is my mom, grandpa and my nephew Josh, November 18th, 2006, 65th birthday)

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While we’re on the topic of dads right now, I’d like to write a little about my actual father.  This summer, my grandparents (my dads parents) have been very ill and have had surgeries.  I had went off on my dad a while back simply because I’m tired of the mind games.  He basically told me he doesn’t have time to deal with me and he hasn’t replied to a single thing I’ve said since.  Including when I text him to ask how Gran and Gramps are doing considering he was there.  He would not answer.  I had to text his wife, who did answer, which is also amazing.  I have tried numerous times to call and text, left messages (Laurie always said to leave a message and she’d call back) and noting, in over a year.  I’m done.  I can’t keep doing this to myself.  So the other day when I say Laurie update her facebook status to something about finally going on their honeymoon to the Riviera, I comment and said “Enjoy” and removed her as a friend.  They can’t even stop by when they’re in town seeing Laurie’s family…so no.  I’m sorry for the language, but I just don’t need that bullshit!  I had my dad.  He’s the one who tucked me in at night, who protected me and fought for my safety.  He’s the one who smacked my butt when I did something wrong, the one who taught me life isn’t about money and material items, it’s about family, love and loyalty.  You can be poor and happy with your family because you have each other, or you can be rich and alone trying to buy friendships and love.  I’d much rather be poor with my family because I won’t lie, I do need someone to lean on at times.  All the times my dad tried to kidnap me when I was little, all the lies, the time he tried to kill me because I didn’t want to live with him, all the heartbreak I felt, the broken promises which lead to empty words, for not even knowing my birthday…or age!  I’ll be honest and say I don’t even wish him the best, I just wish him away.  This will be the first and last time I post a photo of my father and his wife Laurie.  Clearing out the negativity in my life!

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Those are my two big ones currently.  On the 20th, there will be an entry on my grandma as it is her birthday, and another entry on the 24th regarding my grandpa as that will mark 7 years since his passing.  There will be a lot of photos and music.  I’m giving you a heads up so you’re aware of what you’re stepping into.

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