Is love in the air?

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Not here, not usually anyway.  Though lately, he hasn’t been too terrible.  He did have an outburst about clothes the other day.  We live out of city limits, so no city sewer.  We have a holding tank that needs to be emptied when the alarm goes off; when it’s full, we can’t do laundry or have baths, etc.  We leave the little bit of room to be able to flush the toilet.  The holding tank was full so I was unable to do laundry and he got angry at me, then as usual, brought everything else I’ve ever done or not done into the picture.  I don’t understand how his brain works to think that he’s the only one effected by anything, and that he should be first priority on everyone’s list.  I have children, he’ll never be my first priority again.  My kids will always come before anything and everything including myself.

What I have noticed though, more now and not sure why, is that he’s distant.  It’s not really anything that’s different, things are pretty much the same.  His work (he’s management) took on a bunch of accounts a couple weeks ago after a different company closed down.  They ended up getting all the clientele, which is a great thing for Toms company.  It’s great to see this company doing so well considering it started as a family company.  The owners still own it and attend the Christmas parties here in town and all that good stuff, wonderful bunch of men they are and they really do value Tom as an employee there.  I haven’t met many people with the work ethic he has, that’s one great thing I can say about him.  His job matters to him.

Sometimes though, he puts in 12, 13, even 14 hour shifts.  When they first took on the new accounts, he worked those long hours and didn’t take a day off for 16 days!  Up by 6:45, shower, make a lunch, get ready and leave to start at 8am to get home by 9 or 10pm sometimes.  And then he’s also on call throughout the night.  I understand it’s stressful and obviously he must be very tired sometimes!
But he comes home even after his normal 10 hours and sits on minecraft until midnight or so and then goes to bed.  The only conversations we have are mainly about work, a little about the kids, and a little about this POS house.  All I hear about is work though, that’s the only topic he brings up and yes, I do listen and even remember the things he tells me, but ugh!  I don’t want to hear it all the time!  There’s been a few times that he calls to say he’s on his way, and doesn’t show up for hours; comes home drunk…which is also usually when he wants to be intimate, though half the time, ends up hugging the toilet instead or passing out…or passing out in the bathroom which is a huge pet peeve of mine.

It goes back to not wanting to talk about our marriage though.  He told the guys at work he doesn’t have to get me anything for Valentine’s Day because I know he loves me.  But the truth is, I don’t feel that love at all!  Though he knows I’d prefer a small bouquet of wild flowers over a bouquet or roses, and right now, we still have a good 4 feet of snow, and it’s currently snowing.  But even just a card to say thank you for everything would be great.  But I get nothing.  I never hear “happy valentine’s day”, “happy mothers day”, “happy birthday”…none of it.  They’re just days that pass.

I need the words, I need a small amount of effort and I need to know I’m appreciated.  I need something.

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4 thoughts on “Is love in the air?

  1. I read a book a while back that said you should do for him what you want to have done for you. For instance, if you want him to thank you for everything you do, then you should thank him for how hard he works. I mean, if that’s the one thing you can say for him (like you said in the post) then why not try thanking him for it? That might blow his mind enough to stop and think of what you do, too! I don’t know, just a thought I had when I read this 🙂

  2. When you’re putting in all the effort, he knows you still love him. Knows he doesn’t really need to worry about coming home late, drunk or stay up all night playing games. It’s sometimes when we pull back and don’t chase that they wonder what’s going on. Maybe it will make him think?

  3. I read once that “men are like rubber bands”; the more you hold on the more they pull away from you. Focus on what makes you happy, and give him enough space that he notices. He will want to be part of a fun, happy world. I have found that I have to beat my honey off with a stick sometimes (not literally, of course) because I have so many joyful hobbies/interests that he wants to be part of that energy. Focus on what makes you happy, and you may be surprised! Try it, I dare you!!!

  4. Morning kiddo.. the girls have some good points.. whooooaaaa.. i’m not saying you have to thank him for his mere presence, but maybe stop a moment and say the words of thanks for the simplest and largest things we take for granted sometimes.. thank you for working so hard to support your family. Maybe one day he’ll catch on. I always thank my husband even for things like taking the dogs out when it’s cold and I slept late (his dogs too), but I do appreciate I got to stay warm for an extra half hour that day. I thank him for helping bring in groceries (even though it’s for him to eat too), because he saved me the extra one or two trips. I say I Love you each day.. used to leave little notes in his lunch (that could be fun) and he gets the message when you are home and he’s least expecting it. The most important thing I can share with you is – tell YOURSELF ‘I love you’ and thank yourself (with a smile) for all you do for your family and others, appreciate YOU (because YOU are worth it!!). I Love You Kiddo! You are special, have an incredibly huge sensitive heart. You are insightful for others needs, a supportive friend and when someone least expects it you give of even what you do not have to help another.. YOU are special!

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