Child abuse….

I received a phone call today from my sister who was livid and not knowing what to do.  Her son is going to be 7 next month and her and the father take turns with my nephew weekly.  This week was the fathers turn.  His girlfriend had appointments and asked my sister to pick him up from school, which she did.  Then she noticed bruises around his neck.  When asked, he told her the fathers girlfriend did it and has been pushing him around, physically.

She said she couldn’t get a hold of the social worker, I told her to call the cops!  She asked if she could do that!  It’s physical abuse, it’s child abuse, yes, you can do that!

I’m outraged right now!!  My kids are supposed to be spending the weekend at my sisters with my nephew, maybe it will help him feel like the kid he’s supposed to feel like at his age.  I told her not to let him go back there.  The social worker and/or police had better do something about this!  They were supposed to investigate the father after my nephew told the social worker “bad things are happening at my dads house.”  But he wouldn’t tell anyone except the social worker.  So at court, he said he lied about it.  Obviously he wasn’t.  I can just imagine the crap she’s been feeding to that poor kid to scare him the way he is!!

So angry right now!

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Is love in the air?

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Not here, not usually anyway.  Though lately, he hasn’t been too terrible.  He did have an outburst about clothes the other day.  We live out of city limits, so no city sewer.  We have a holding tank that needs to be emptied when the alarm goes off; when it’s full, we can’t do laundry or have baths, etc.  We leave the little bit of room to be able to flush the toilet.  The holding tank was full so I was unable to do laundry and he got angry at me, then as usual, brought everything else I’ve ever done or not done into the picture.  I don’t understand how his brain works to think that he’s the only one effected by anything, and that he should be first priority on everyone’s list.  I have children, he’ll never be my first priority again.  My kids will always come before anything and everything including myself.

What I have noticed though, more now and not sure why, is that he’s distant.  It’s not really anything that’s different, things are pretty much the same.  His work (he’s management) took on a bunch of accounts a couple weeks ago after a different company closed down.  They ended up getting all the clientele, which is a great thing for Toms company.  It’s great to see this company doing so well considering it started as a family company.  The owners still own it and attend the Christmas parties here in town and all that good stuff, wonderful bunch of men they are and they really do value Tom as an employee there.  I haven’t met many people with the work ethic he has, that’s one great thing I can say about him.  His job matters to him.

Sometimes though, he puts in 12, 13, even 14 hour shifts.  When they first took on the new accounts, he worked those long hours and didn’t take a day off for 16 days!  Up by 6:45, shower, make a lunch, get ready and leave to start at 8am to get home by 9 or 10pm sometimes.  And then he’s also on call throughout the night.  I understand it’s stressful and obviously he must be very tired sometimes!
But he comes home even after his normal 10 hours and sits on minecraft until midnight or so and then goes to bed.  The only conversations we have are mainly about work, a little about the kids, and a little about this POS house.  All I hear about is work though, that’s the only topic he brings up and yes, I do listen and even remember the things he tells me, but ugh!  I don’t want to hear it all the time!  There’s been a few times that he calls to say he’s on his way, and doesn’t show up for hours; comes home drunk…which is also usually when he wants to be intimate, though half the time, ends up hugging the toilet instead or passing out…or passing out in the bathroom which is a huge pet peeve of mine.

It goes back to not wanting to talk about our marriage though.  He told the guys at work he doesn’t have to get me anything for Valentine’s Day because I know he loves me.  But the truth is, I don’t feel that love at all!  Though he knows I’d prefer a small bouquet of wild flowers over a bouquet or roses, and right now, we still have a good 4 feet of snow, and it’s currently snowing.  But even just a card to say thank you for everything would be great.  But I get nothing.  I never hear “happy valentine’s day”, “happy mothers day”, “happy birthday”…none of it.  They’re just days that pass.

I need the words, I need a small amount of effort and I need to know I’m appreciated.  I need something.

Not all blood is family! (drama entry)

I apologize for the lack of entries lately.  I’ve been fighting a bad chest cold for 3 weeks now, just can’t seem to get rid of it.  Mixed with my asthma, it’s been hell!  Also, this is full of drama, a heads up in advance.

Today, I’d like to talk about family.  My little girl and I were going through pictures the other day and we came across a picture of my uncle Bill and my dad at his wedding, the wedding I attended even after he refused to attend mine because my half sisters mom was going to be there.  My half sister was part of the wedding party.  Anyway, Gracie asked me why I don’t talk to my dad.  I told her the truth.  My dad wasn’t a good dad, isn’t a good dad, he doesn’t want to be my dad and I left it at that.  I posted on facebook something on the lines of “Grace asked me why I don’t talk to my dad.  How to you explain to an almost 6 year old that your dad threatened to kill you and tried to find you when you were little?”  I did get some comments, some said they understood, that they’d went through it too, others said they were sorry, some gave me some advice.  I appreciated it.  And then my aunt Cindy had to voice her opinion.  Cindy and I don’t know each other well at all.  My dads side of the family didn’t attend my wedding, we don’t talk much, etc.  It was only his parents and one of my cousins who attended the wedding.  It’s fine though.

So Cindy starts going off cursing saying something about how my mom has fed me crap about my dad and that it was her who was a bad mom.  Yes, my mom had a drug problem when my brother, sister and I were little.  She doesn’t deny that at all.  The fact that she sent my brother and sister to live with my grandparents and I so she could go detox was a big step on her part.  It made her a better person obviously.  The will power to know that you’re messing up, regardless of the addiction, takes an amazing amount of strength.  I admire my mom for that!  My mom saw that post before I did, called and was very angry.  She asked me to delete the whole thing, which I did out of respect for her.  Not before I replied to Cindy though.  I pretty much told her that I wasn’t fed anything.  Sure, I’ve heard stories about when I was little, but I haven’t said anything about them on facebook.  What I posted was what my dad put me through personally.  What I remember clearly…who forgets their dad trying to kill them?  Or all the birthdays passing with not even a phone call?  The broken promises?  How about when his parents and my brother and sister were hit by a drunk driver?  My siblings almost died and both went in for emergency surgery.  He couldn’t even be bothered to see them in the hospital!  Tell me again how wonderful my father is.  When someone tries and tries for many years to form a relationship with their father just to have him refuse you, yeah, it makes a huge impact on a person!  Cindy’s opinions don’t matter.  She doesn’t know me, I don’t know her, but I definitely felt the need to defend what I felt was my right, to post what I want.  The part that bothered me most was that my 3 cousins (2 are her daughters) “liked” the post about my mom.  Now tell me who’s been feeding who crap.

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Cindy posted this sticker on my wall after the nasty post about my mom.  The funny thing is, I post about my marriage all the time.  I have called Tom an asshat and even explained my definition of it.  Not once has anyone said anything about posting too much information on facebook.  I’m going to post the conversation we had on that sticker in here.  I’m not trying to welcome drama or anything, but this is something I’d like to keep, and this is where I vent.

Alicia – Cynthia, considering my account is full of my friends and family, even though in some cases, the distance is there, I will vent all I want to.  That is my release.  If people choose to ignore the post, that’s perfectly fine with me.  It’s not a public post for a reason.  Yes, feedback is wonderful!  I love my dad but he’s a fucking asshole Cindy.  It’s not just about back then, it’s from when him and Laurie got together when he played the daddy roll wonderfully while he lived in town and can’t be bothered to pick up the phone and call, or even pick up the phone when I call, stop by when he’s in town, hell I haven’t seen him in 7 years!  I tried to see him when I was there last but do you think the phone got answered when I called?  My mom has made some mistakes, yes.  I know I was raised by Nan and Pop, not my mom or dad.  But, my mom has worked her ass off to reform that relationship we were missing and it’s an amazing one!  No one is perfect, I get that.  But the amount of hurt I feel and have felt in the past caused by my father is something that not even time can heal simply because I have yet to fully give up wanting a relationship with him!  What I judged that post on had NOTHING to do with what anyone has told me but with what I’ve experienced from him personally.
I love you Cindy, but if you can’t stand hearing that kind of thing, I suggest you take me off your friends list because my opinion about my dad and the experiences I’ve went through with him are not going to change!
My family has been my grandparents, aunt Nee, uncle Vin, Daryl, Amanda, mom and Gran and Gramps.  Please explain to me where you fit in in the past 19 years between my mom, dad and I to be placing judgement like you have?
You think your hands are clean Cindy?  I didn’t place judgement on a situation I don’t know or understand, those were my personal experiences.

As for this wall sticker…the only person saying anything is you.
I apologize for this post, but that was bullshit and completely uncalled for!

  • Cynthia – You seem to forget, he may be your dad, but he is uncle to a lot of others who do not feel the way you do. And if you are all about feeling comfortable saying whatever you want and having people read it ten what is the difference for me? There isn’t one. So if you post it, I guess its fair shootin!   Move on Alicia and quit putting yourself in a bad situation. Where is your self respect???

  • Alicia – My self respect?  I should ask you the same thing.  Hmm, I guess I lost that when my dad stopped respecting me.  I agree, Denae, Dallas, Kasey, etc might consider him a wonderful guy!  And that’s great if they do, I’m glad he’s a good uncle but he’s a terrible father, that’s all I’m saying.  I will not “move on” because what I have experienced is up to me to share or not.  You’re also right about everyone being entitled to their opinions, I’m with you on that.  Like I said, that post was about the things dad and I have went through together, personally, nothing that anyone has “fed me.”  No bullshit in there.  Dad is no hero, nor is he a dad…ask any of us 4 kids.  I’m glad he’s an uncle though, maybe that makes up for it.
    Also, I’m in a perfectly fine situation right here where I am, thank you.

  • Cynthia – but all your rants say different Alicia. You are obviously unhappy and searching for something to blame it on.

  • Cynthia – Just don’t pass your negativity on to your kids, its not fair

  • Alicia – Do they now?  I said dad was a terrible dad to all 4 of us, I’m taking your word he’s a great uncle.  I guess that makes up for all the lost years past and to come without talking to his own children right?
    There’s that judgement again.  Obviously I must be unhappy to be unhappy and speak the truth about my own dad.  Yep, that has to be the case.  Or, maybe I’m tired of hurting and feeling like I’ve never been enough for him?  Every birthday gone by that he didn’t call, even though I’d call him on his.  Oh that’s right, he doesn’t know my birthday.
    You have no idea who I am unfortunately and my parenting skills…be careful bringing parenting into the picture Cindy, especially if we’re speaking freely with our opinions.
    Keep making excuses for him though.  You are, after all, closer to him than I am!

Cindy is and always has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember which is what I meant by bringing parenting into the picture.  After bringing my kids into the conversation, she’s lucky I didn’t spill everything I know about her.  She must forget I was there a few times.  But it wasn’t my intention to cause drama, just to get opinions on how to explain things to your child when you have so much hurt caused by that person.
My cousin then posted a status about people airing their dirty laundry on facebook.
It’s horrible.  I mean, if my cousins think so highly f him, than I have no doubts that he’s a good uncle to them.  Why can’t he be a good dad to me?

Coca Cola: Bring out the racism?

I saw something this morning that kind of made my blood boil.  I was looking through facebook and came across a friend of mine who posted this commercial, saying it was out of line.  The comments were horrible; so full of racism.  It really saddened me…and disgusted me.  Of course, I am from Canada.  I’m sure I’ll get my own amount of crap from this entry, but I have no problem standing out to voice my opinion.  Especially after reading the comments!

Some of the comments I read were about language, that it’s meant to be sung in English.  I only speak English.  Even Canada’s second language, French, I don’t speak French.  Regardless, I see no problem with it being sung in a different language…any language.  If you’re Canadian, if you aren’t Canadian but proud to be here, definitely sing the anthem!  Canada is a wonderful place!  Personally, I’ll vacation to other countries, but Canada is my home.  This is where my heart is.

It was mostly the comments about the terrorists, jews, Mexicans, etc singing the song, and the fact that these people are apparently not racist.  Please explain how that makes sense?  We are all human.  We all have the same organs, the same skin though different colors.  Different sexualities, eye color, height, hair color, different ethnicities, backgrounds in general, and different experiences.  Sure, some people from certain races have done some unforgivable things.  Bin Laden, 9/11 (depending on the version you believe), any suicide bombers, etc etc.  For the most part, it’s one or two races.  African Americans are often blamed for the war in our own backyards, and on the streets.  I could go on, but I choose not to simply because it is not the race that has committed the crime, it’s the person.  If you can honestly believe for even a single second that Caucasians have never done anything wrong, than you my friend, are blind, and that’s very unfortunate!

I personally quite like this commercial.  I think it’s sung beautifully!  The different languages give it an added touch.  The touch of oneness in the country.  Respect that, be proud of that.  Be proud that you are a country who can accept others for who they are inside, not what’s on the outside.  People are so quick to judge and point the finger that they forget their own hands are far from being clean.  Racism?  Are we seriously still doing this?  Close your eyes or turn off the lights.  We’re all the same color.  That co worker you and you buddies hang out at the sports bar, he could be a gay man for all you know.  You, if you’re that “homophic” type, you are friends with this man, you accept him…until you find out he’s gay.  How does that change things?  Same goes with race.  How can a color change a human that much?  The answer?  It can’t.  Until these other races are being born with two heads, 3 legs, and a tail, nothing changes.  Pull your heads out of your ass and open your eyes.  You are not more superior that the person beside, the person in the country next to you, or the person your pointing the finger at.  The cause of the war on our streets is far from being races or sexuality…you are the cause.  The one pointing the finger placing blame on others.  You are the one with hatred in your heart, and freely expressing it to those you see fit to take it.  This is not just America, this is world wide!

What a different world this would be if people were actually accepting of others!

“When I was born I was black, when I grew up I was black, when I’m sick I’m black, when I go out in the sun I’m black, when I’m cold I’ll be black, and when I die I’ll be black. But you, when you where born you were pink, when you grew up you were white, when you’re sick you’re green, when you go out in the sun you turn red, when you’re cold you turn blue, and when you die you’ll turn purple. And you have the nerve to call me colored?”

Stop the hatred and find a happiness instead of destroying others lives with something they have no control over!