Changes and marriage

I’ve decided to make some changes to my blog.
I’ve created a few other blogs; one for Wicca which will have books and information, as well as my experiences and teaching my daughter who is very interested. (My son, not so much so I of course, will not push him)  I’ve created one based on homeschooling, my experiences teaching Adam, and will have resources.  The third is based on domestic abuse in general.  Not much in regards to myself, but resources to help those who need it.  For the homeschooling blog, and the abuse blog, I’ll be posting resources for Canada as that’s where I’m located, but I’m also going to do my best to post resources for the US and over seas as well.  No one needs to suffer, and sometimes asking for help is the strongest thing you can do!
I’m just trying to get them all straightened out right now.  I really don’t like the free layouts, but I can’t afford to purchase any so I’m struggling a bit with how I want it.  I suppose in the long run, it’s the information that matters most.
I’m also thinking of transferring my old blog here which is based on making money at home, sites I personally use/used, no scams.
I’ll have links to these blogs at the top once they’re ready for publicity.

On the marriage front, I just need to vent about last night.  Hubby’s been working a lot of overtime putting in 13 hour days sometimes and he’s worked the past 12 days straight putting in between 12 and 13 hours each day.  I do feel for him, he’s tired and exhausted.  I don’t complain about him working or how much he works.  I understand and being a stay at home mom, I can’t say anything.

Yesterday, he called at 7:30 pm saying he was on his way.  He’s about 15 minutes away.  He was complaining about how tired he was and that he just wanted to come home, have a shower, and go to sleep.  I called him at 8:30 pm since he still wasn’t home.  The roads are terrible, the car’s even worse.  No answer though.  I called him again at 9 pm and he was at the neighbors having a few beer.  He ended up getting home around 10 pm.  I was very disappointed in him.  He’s constantly complaining about never seeing the kids and never having time to be at home…or to sleep.
He walks in the door (the neighbor is literally next door) and is drunk.  I was so hurt.  I was angry yes, but I was more hurt.  He never seems to have time for me.  He’s too busy playing Minecraft when he is home, or just goes to bed.  I feel really alone these days.  I tried to talk to him about how I felt without a reply at all, then he started talking about work.  It’s pointless to try to work on something when the other doesn’t care and doesn’t see anything wrong in the marriage.  My words fall on deaf ears and my actions go unnoticed.  My heart aches so much and after reading about the “heart strings” (tendons in the heart), the pain I literally got in my heart when I’m stressed emotionally makes sense.  The migraines are no fun either.

I have my plan to go in and get my L, which here in BC Canada, is the learners license.  I don’t have my license.  This was my plan last month, but financially it wasn’t possible.  I’m hoping this summer I’ll have enough confidence driving to go get my N. (Novice)  I need this to be able to continue homeschooling Adam.  I’m also thinking the kids and I will be heading to my brothers again, for the whole summer this time.  I may not return though.  My brother is about 7 hours south of here.  At least for a couple weeks though, I need a break.

Why do I do this to myself?  I know it’s not going to change.  I know he’s all about materials rather than, well anything else.  I’m an object to him.  He’s the kind of person who thinks he’s superior to everyone else and in order to be in his life, you have to show him what you can do for him.  Narcissist.
I have to have a breaking point don’t I?  Maybe I’m just so far past that point that I’ve given up.  I really need to get my license so I can go back to seeing the worker at the abuse outreach center.  I think that will help!

Oh, I also received a lot of comments regarding hubby finding this blog.  He doesn’t use the internet.  He knows how to check his email on his cell, knows how to play Minecraft, and that’s it.  His family knows what’s going on here for the most part.  His aunt actually told me to call her if I need out and to “leave the asshole” that she knows he’s all about himself.  I’m not worried at all.  I’ve tried explaining to him that what he does is abuse, you should hear that argument! 😦


7 thoughts on “Changes and marriage

  1. I like the idea of separating out your blogs. You have a lot of different ideas going on. On my blog today there are some free books. One of them was about marriage. You may want to look at it. It may help. I don’t know for sure, but it might be one to look into 🙂

  2. I empathize with you. What I have discovered is that I am the only person who can make me happy. Speak kindly to yourself with daily affirmations. Invest your energy in what interests you, like your blog or a hobby, etc. Love yourself, so that you have the spark to make the most of your life. Be kind to you, and don’t give anyone the power to diminish your being. Love and blessings to you!

  3. It’s tough when you want an adult to talk to after a day spent with children, and that person can’t be bothered. Natalie’s idea to focus on your interests and what brings you joy is a good one. I agree. Perhaps if you’re less focused on him, he will feel the loss of the attention, too. I won’t presume to give you marriage advice, but try to make yourself happy.

  4. I like the idea to break out the blogs into different areas of your life, I think it’s good for you to focus more on you and Natalie said it so perfectly by reminding yourself with daily affirmations and to love yourself. You’re a special young woman with much to share with your children and the world. I like your goals to get your learners permit then your novice. I’m also excited for you to revive milk money! I loved that blog and where you were going with it. There are so many people out there looking for reliable resources and that blog gives them great info/reviews! Go for it!! Love You kiddo!

  5. It sounds like you are busy with all of your blogs. I do like the idea of separating your blogs into topics.
    My heart hurts for this situation between you and your husband, I have no words of advice or wisdom, but know that I am thinking of you.

  6. It sounds like you know what you have to do and you seem to be heading in the right direction. I like the idea of separating out your blogs because you do have so much going on. I look forward to reading more about everything!

  7. My goodness, you have your work cut out for you with your blogs! And I think that getting your license and seeing the person you were talking to before will be very helpful for you. Sometimes a fresh perspective is healing…or a kick in the behind, whatever we need 🙂 Oh, also glad your husband doesn’t read your blog 🙂 Safe place here!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s