I’ve decided to make some changes to my blog.
I’ve created a few other blogs; one for Wicca which will have books and information, as well as my experiences and teaching my daughter who is very interested. (My son, not so much so I of course, will not push him) I’ve created one based on homeschooling, my experiences teaching Adam, and will have resources. The third is based on domestic abuse in general. Not much in regards to myself, but resources to help those who need it. For the homeschooling blog, and the abuse blog, I’ll be posting resources for Canada as that’s where I’m located, but I’m also going to do my best to post resources for the US and over seas as well. No one needs to suffer, and sometimes asking for help is the strongest thing you can do!
I’m just trying to get them all straightened out right now. I really don’t like the free layouts, but I can’t afford to purchase any so I’m struggling a bit with how I want it. I suppose in the long run, it’s the information that matters most.
I’m also thinking of transferring my old blog here which is based on making money at home, sites I personally use/used, no scams.
I’ll have links to these blogs at the top once they’re ready for publicity.
On the marriage front, I just need to vent about last night. Hubby’s been working a lot of overtime putting in 13 hour days sometimes and he’s worked the past 12 days straight putting in between 12 and 13 hours each day. I do feel for him, he’s tired and exhausted. I don’t complain about him working or how much he works. I understand and being a stay at home mom, I can’t say anything.
Yesterday, he called at 7:30 pm saying he was on his way. He’s about 15 minutes away. He was complaining about how tired he was and that he just wanted to come home, have a shower, and go to sleep. I called him at 8:30 pm since he still wasn’t home. The roads are terrible, the car’s even worse. No answer though. I called him again at 9 pm and he was at the neighbors having a few beer. He ended up getting home around 10 pm. I was very disappointed in him. He’s constantly complaining about never seeing the kids and never having time to be at home…or to sleep.
He walks in the door (the neighbor is literally next door) and is drunk. I was so hurt. I was angry yes, but I was more hurt. He never seems to have time for me. He’s too busy playing Minecraft when he is home, or just goes to bed. I feel really alone these days. I tried to talk to him about how I felt without a reply at all, then he started talking about work. It’s pointless to try to work on something when the other doesn’t care and doesn’t see anything wrong in the marriage. My words fall on deaf ears and my actions go unnoticed. My heart aches so much and after reading about the “heart strings” (tendons in the heart), the pain I literally got in my heart when I’m stressed emotionally makes sense. The migraines are no fun either.
I have my plan to go in and get my L, which here in BC Canada, is the learners license. I don’t have my license. This was my plan last month, but financially it wasn’t possible. I’m hoping this summer I’ll have enough confidence driving to go get my N. (Novice) I need this to be able to continue homeschooling Adam. I’m also thinking the kids and I will be heading to my brothers again, for the whole summer this time. I may not return though. My brother is about 7 hours south of here. At least for a couple weeks though, I need a break.
Why do I do this to myself? I know it’s not going to change. I know he’s all about materials rather than, well anything else. I’m an object to him. He’s the kind of person who thinks he’s superior to everyone else and in order to be in his life, you have to show him what you can do for him. Narcissist.
I have to have a breaking point don’t I? Maybe I’m just so far past that point that I’ve given up. I really need to get my license so I can go back to seeing the worker at the abuse outreach center. I think that will help!
Oh, I also received a lot of comments regarding hubby finding this blog. He doesn’t use the internet. He knows how to check his email on his cell, knows how to play Minecraft, and that’s it. His family knows what’s going on here for the most part. His aunt actually told me to call her if I need out and to “leave the asshole” that she knows he’s all about himself. I’m not worried at all. I’ve tried explaining to him that what he does is abuse, you should hear that argument! 😦