I’ll start with homeschooling and move to marriage. It’s going okay this week. Adam has finished 20 books online that he has had to listen to, do a 5 question quiz for each, and then read each book back to me. It took him just a couple days to get through all of them! He has moved up a level and there are only 5 levels I believe! He’s doing great with that! His language arts he shows no interest in at all, but will do it with a bit of complaining. I’m not sure how to make it fun for him. I do have games and what not he can do online, but that does nothing for his writing skills at all. I need him to do the print outs. I did get the packages of Hooked On Phonics for grade 1 and grade 2, so hopefully that will help. They’re used and the one package is missing a disk. I’m on a hunt now. Ebay maybe. Math is going good as well, though it’s all online and I’m not sure I like that. He needs to practice his numbers as well. I’m thinking of getting him the JUMPMath books. He will also be starting IXL Math as well.
I’ve started falling off the track of the work the school has given him. I’ve heard the school is very flexible though; I hope so, otherwise I may look into actually homeschooling him, getting my own curriculum, etc. I’ve been thinking about a bit and looking at a site called SelfDesign which is based here in BC Canada. I’ve also been hearing about “unschooling” but I have no idea what that actually is. I imagine it’s everything that school isn’t?
Yesterday, I received an email from TinyEYE which is the site he’ll be receiving his speech therapy through. They said they’d call this week to set up his assessment over skype. Hopefully soon because he hasn’t had anything in a week now, and I don’t like that at all.
I’ve been posting on some freecycling groups on facebook for school/homeschool supplies. When I took him out, I didn’t consider anything I would need, just how he was feeling and what I felt I needed to do for my son. That was number one on my list. The community has really come together for me though, I am so grateful! Of course, the fact that the car is broke and I live out of city limits is no help. People have actually delivered the items. The one today brought me out a chalkboard with a ledge. Someone was asking $20 for it and decided I could take it for free. A random lady offered to deliver it to me. Simply amazing. You just don’t see people like that very often anymore. Not here at least. (Prince George is also known as “Little Detroit” with higher crime rates than Vancouver given it’s size) This is no place to raise children. There’s also a man/men going around trying to get children from schools. I haven’t seen it happen so often as it has this school year. It really has my paranoia going. Especially now that it’s only Grace in school. I’m tempted to pack the kids up, move down south to the small town my brother, aunt, and mom live in, and homeschool the kids! I’m becoming such a hermit. For that, I blame my marriage. Speaking of marriage…
There must be a special secret school that men go to as young boys to learn exactly what to say to emotionally scar a woman for life.
Just the other day my husband told me I haven’t done anything for him in the 15 years (in August) that we’ve been together. Considering I sit here in this house, out of city limits, not allowed to have friends or go anywhere without him, and especially considering that I don’t know who I am, I would say I’ve given him my life…my very existence as an individual, and a human being. Perhaps if I knew who I was, I’d be able to stand up for myself and scream “STOP!” That I need an end to this abuse, to this pain, to the constant storm raging inside. But I sit here, quietly, or not so quietly, while he takes his frustrations out on me as if I were able to control them; like the weather for example. Um, I’m sorry I made it rain. Pardon me while I go call on the Sun Goddess to make YOUR life happier.
That being said, I’ve come to the point, again, where I’m not even interested in voicing my opinions or expressing how I feel. I hate being brushed off and I hate having every word I say get turned on me and turn into a screaming match. I am sure as hell not perfect, but I don’t deserve this. My kids don’t deserve to feel that tension in the air. My dog doesn’t deserve the fear she feels during our arguments! This is also another reason I’d like to homeschool both children; no need to worry about transferring schools if/when I do decide I’ve had enough.
I’m hoping my form will be here soon so we can go do our taxes. Not that I get anything back and do have to ask for everything; I plan to get get my learner license again and see what I can do to afford driving lessons. My uncle said he’s set me up with a car. If that happens, I’d be able to pack up and get out one day while he’s still at work. Fill the tank and never look back. Though I guess with kids, it’s never that easy. But then again, he says he doesn’t want contact with the kids if I leave. That’s fine. If he decides that, than obviously he doesn’t deserve the kids time anyway! I’ve put over half my life in trying to make something toxic work. I love this guy with all my heart and I know my heart strings will burn with pain, but I’d rather go through the heart break rather than all of this I think.
My problem is sticking to the plan I made. He says what I want to hear and treats me good, and I change my mind. I need to work on myself…a lot. I need to remember those words are empty.