I’m feeling about a million different things today. For example, I feel I should have cut my nails prior to starting this post. They’re so long it’s making typing very hard! lol In all seriousness though, I’m feeling completely overwhelmed with emotions today. I can feel it more because both kids are at school today, so I’m home alone. If you’ve been reading my blog or have read any of the pages at the top, you’ll know that my grandparents raised me from 3 weeks old. They were my parents up until 2006 when they both passed away. My grandpa walked me down the aisle and gave me away in 2005. He passed away November 24th, 2006 from lung cancer and my grandma on June 10th, 2006 after a brain injury.
Today would be my grandpas 72nd birthday. He was just 65 years old when he passed away. My grandma was only 62. I suppose their ages play a roll in why I feel my life is half over at only 28 years old.
I remember sitting with him on his 65th birthday. He was the kind of man that stayed strong until the end. He never once wanted to show that he was, in fact, going to die. He smiled. He laughed. He carried on normal conversations. He also said “I love you” much more often though. That day, that birthday meant so much to me. That day was also the last time he ate anything…which was his cake.
Happy 72nd birthday Pop. I miss you. (This is my mom, grandpa and my nephew Josh, November 18th, 2006, 65th birthday)
While we’re on the topic of dads right now, I’d like to write a little about my actual father. This summer, my grandparents (my dads parents) have been very ill and have had surgeries. I had went off on my dad a while back simply because I’m tired of the mind games. He basically told me he doesn’t have time to deal with me and he hasn’t replied to a single thing I’ve said since. Including when I text him to ask how Gran and Gramps are doing considering he was there. He would not answer. I had to text his wife, who did answer, which is also amazing. I have tried numerous times to call and text, left messages (Laurie always said to leave a message and she’d call back) and noting, in over a year. I’m done. I can’t keep doing this to myself. So the other day when I say Laurie update her facebook status to something about finally going on their honeymoon to the Riviera, I comment and said “Enjoy” and removed her as a friend. They can’t even stop by when they’re in town seeing Laurie’s family…so no. I’m sorry for the language, but I just don’t need that bullshit! I had my dad. He’s the one who tucked me in at night, who protected me and fought for my safety. He’s the one who smacked my butt when I did something wrong, the one who taught me life isn’t about money and material items, it’s about family, love and loyalty. You can be poor and happy with your family because you have each other, or you can be rich and alone trying to buy friendships and love. I’d much rather be poor with my family because I won’t lie, I do need someone to lean on at times. All the times my dad tried to kidnap me when I was little, all the lies, the time he tried to kill me because I didn’t want to live with him, all the heartbreak I felt, the broken promises which lead to empty words, for not even knowing my birthday…or age! I’ll be honest and say I don’t even wish him the best, I just wish him away. This will be the first and last time I post a photo of my father and his wife Laurie. Clearing out the negativity in my life!
Those are my two big ones currently. On the 20th, there will be an entry on my grandma as it is her birthday, and another entry on the 24th regarding my grandpa as that will mark 7 years since his passing. There will be a lot of photos and music. I’m giving you a heads up so you’re aware of what you’re stepping into.