Traumatic past week

I have a couple things to write about, just to get things off my chest.

I’m going to start with my son Adam.  Adam started with a cough and a runny nose.  On Monday the 7th (my daughter Grace’s 5th birthday), he came home from school complaining of a sore throat.  Adam doesn’t complain about feeling ill, so I knew it had to be serious.  As I went to feel the glands in his neck to check for swelling, I realized both sides looked like there were golf balls sticking out.  Upon looking into his throat, I noticed his extremely swollen tonsils.  I got him into the doctor the next day.  The doctor confirmed tonsillitis for the 3rd time this year and gave him another prescription for antibiotics.  Come Thursday, Adam had been home all week except Monday.  The swelling hadn’t gone down at all.  In fact, it had gotten worse.  I checked inside his throat again and it was covered with a white film and the sides of his throat were touching.  I decided then to take him to the hospital.

Upon registering Adam at the ER check-in, my brain was mush at this point.  So when asked if he was still in diapers or if he could pee in the cup by himself, I ended up telling the nurse he’s house broken rather than potty trained.  We had a good laugh about that.  We were the 3rd family in the ER, however, the ambulances kept coming, some came together, some back to back.  It was horrible to see.  There was a man who ran in saying his wife was having a seizure and the Ativan wasn’t working.  The kids and I were still registering Adam so still up at the desk when he brought her in on a stretchers.  I did my best to keep the kids heads turned.  I felt so terrible for the woman…she was so scared.

We got called into a room where the ER doctor looked at Adam’s throat and did his exam.  Maybe 3 minutes worth of exam then turned to me and said he wanted to admit him to Paediatrics.  Okay.  If that’s what he needs, let’s do it.  At this point, I couldn’t even remember how much Adam weighed at birth.  It had been days since I had slept due to the sleep apnea he was experiencing at home as well as the fact that he was waking up every half hour.  Mixed with the worry I was feeling, I just wasn’t all there.
Adam was given a dose of Dexamethasone to help with the swelling of his lymph nodes.  At this point, it was about 11:30pm.  The Pediatrician decided to hold off on the antibiotic IV, but did give him Tylenol for his fever.  We went to sleep.  I should say he went to sleep.  He was hooked up to a monitor to track his oxygen level and heart rate.  That monitor would go off every 20 minutes, give or take.  The nurses were constantly in the room.  They had his in isolation so when they decided on another dose of Dexamethasone, 2 Pediatricians and a nurse came in wearing the masks, gowns and gloves.  They gave him the medicine (his throat was still touching and his oxygen level was dropping to about 81), they also decided to suction out his nose, give him another dose of Tylenol and give him a medicine through the nebulizer machine.  After they left the room, he was crying a bit and told me he was scared.  When I asked why, he told me he’s dying.  It broke my heart as I reassured him he’s not dying.

When we left, the Paediatric nurses gave Adam a teddy bear, which is actually a grey elephant with a lot of hair (who he named Super Hair) and a bag full of goodies.  These were all supplied by the Starlight Children’s Foundation.  Please click the graphic to view their site.
He’s doing okay now but has a referral to see an ENT to have his tonsils removed, and is being tested for sleep apnea.  He still has a bit of a sore throat, but he’s doing great and was even excited to get back to school.

The next thing I’d like to write about today is October 15th and what it represents.
October 15th of every year is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  This is a day when all parents and families of angel babies come together to remember their children and honor the other angel babies.
We light a candle at 7pm (in all time zones) to have a candle burning for our babies throughout the entire 24 hour day.  A light constantly shines for them.
I have been having a very hard time dealing with this this year, I can’t figure out why.  My heart aches.  Actually yesterday, my abdomen was in a lot of pain.  Empty womb syndrome. :/  I miss my babies.  There are so many what if’s and how come’s.  To think of the ages my angels would be…  The oldest would be 15 years old had I not miscarried.
I do hope if you knew of this day, you lit your candles to honor those gone too soon.



A birthday

I’m wishing my daughter, my youngest, a very happy 5th birthday today!!  Which means, I have two 5 year olds until the middle of November now.  I ❤ my Irish Twins!
I clearly remember finding out I was pregnant with Grace.  I found some left over pregnancy tests after having my son Adam and figured, what the hell.  They turned up positive and I figured it was probably just left over HCG from my last pregnancy.  It wasn’t.  I was in shock.  After trying to have our first for 6 years, this little girl came out of nowhere!  It was almost unreal.  She was due September 30th, 2008 but decided to take an extra week.  Her name is Grace Margerry.  When I was 16, I had a dream the doctor handed me this baby I had just given birth to, I reached and called her Gracie.  It’s been grace ever since.  Margerry is a mixture of my grandparents who raised me; Marge and Gerry.

Happy 5th birthday my beautiful girl.  I love you to the moon!