The “Honeymoon” Phase of the Abusive Relationship

Reconciliation Stage

In the reconciliation stage, the abuser apologizes for harming his victim, is overly affectionate and caring, or chooses to ignore the incidents of abuse or blame them on the victim in some way. These events are often classified as the honeymoon phase. In this stage, the abuser will make it seem as though the violence is finished, assuring the victim that such incidents will never occur again or that the abuser will change. The abuser often feels overwhelming emotions of sadness and remorse, or at least he pretends to. Some abusers even threaten suicide to prevent the victim from leaving. Most abusers shower victims with love, purchasing them expensive gifts and treating them with extra kindness.

Calm Stage

The calm stage is thought to be an extension of the reconciliation stage. During the calm stage, the abuser tries really hard to be kind to the victim and does his best to restrain himself from harming this person. The abusive relationship becomes relatively peaceful and calm during this phase, which often convinces the victim that the abuser has indeed changed. Conflicts inevitably arise, however, which lead again into the tension-building stage of the relationship.

Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/100480-four-stages-abusive-relationship/#ixzz2e9MzsI6r

Yes, I do believe this is where my husband and I have been for the past few weeks.  Or somewhere around this phase of the pattern at least since he has blown up a couple of times since the initial blow up causing the creation of this blog.  However, they weren’t nearly as bad as the initial blow up.  Normally, it doesn’t go this long without more blow ups that this, so this is new for me.  I also feel like it’s a terrible thing.  I’m much more confident to leave when he’s being mean that having him be nice to me.  It’s times like this that I change my mind about leaving.  It’s the false hope I end up with from the “nice guy” phase he’s in right now.  I hate this phase.  I feel so much love and passion for him when he’s like this, and it seems he does too.  He appreciates me and it feels like he cares.  But deep inside, I know the truth and in all honesty, I’ve been waiting for the storm to hit since a few days after the last big one.

I did come across a song that really hit home.  Actually, it hit home so much that it felt like it was my words; my story.  So I’d like to share that.

Home by Sheryl Crow

I woke up this morning and now I understand
What it means to give your life to just one man
Afraid of feeling nothing, no bees or butterflies
My head is full of voices and my house is full of lies

This is home, home
And this is home, home
This is home

I saw him standing there when I was seventeen
Now I’m thirty-two and I can’t remember what I’d seen in you
When I made a promise, said it everyday
Now I’m reading romance novels and I’m dreaming of yesterday

This is home, home
And this is home and this is home
This is home

I’d like to see The Riviera
And slow dance underneath the stars
I’d like to watch the sun come up
In a stranger’s arms

And this is home, home
And this is home, home
Home, home

I’m going crazy a little every day
And everything I wanted is now driving me away
I woke this morning to the sound of breaking hearts
Mine is full of questions and it’s tearing yours apart, tearing yours apart
And it’s tearing yours apart, it’s tearing yours apart
And it’s tearing us apart

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s