First Steps To Leaving An Emotionally Abusive Marriage

I had started this blog to blog about my marriage and parenting.  The good and bad of everything in my life, but it seems it has changed course.  This blog will now consist of my life, starting with my emotionally abusive marriage, and what I’m currently going through to get the help my children and I need.  That being said, welcome to my blog.

I’ll start off by saying my husband has been emotionally abusive for years.  Yes, including before we were married; however it wasn’t as bad as it is now.  We’ve been together since I was 14 years old and at that time, I was blinded by love.  I figured with time, things would change.  We were both teenagers and both had a lot of growing up to do.  I guess in some ways, I did know he was emotionally abusive, though I didn’t understand what it was.  I just knew it wasn’t supposed to be that way.  None of my friends boyfriends told them they were not allowed to have friends, or would leave with his friends with the demands to stay home, clean the house and have dinner ready whenever/if he decided to come home that night.  Actually, it’s still pretty much that case.  He told me last year I was allowed to have friends.  I got a job and went to dinner with a bunch of the ladies from work.  He dropped me off at my friend’s house and left.  We took off to the restaurant right away.  I soon received a text from my husband accusing me of convincing him to drop me off at a guy’s house so I could have an affair.  He said there were no tire tracks in the snow.  I literally had to take a picture of my friends and me under the logo of the restaurant and text it to him.  I quit my job and stayed home with the kids after that.

So, the other night, hubby comes in the house.  My daughter wanted to sleep in my son’s room with him, his bedroom is upstairs.  Okay, no problem as long as they go to sleep at a half decent time.  Hubby comes in and automatically snaps at my daughter, yelling at her to get downstairs into bed.  I told hubby she was sleeping in my son’s room and I went to comfort my kids.  They were both in tears.  When I got them settled and tucked in, I came out to the living room where he snapped on me!  The house is a mess, the kids don’t pick up their toys, we don’t have any money, he works for nothing, the dog made him angry, work is stressing him out, the bronco still won’t start, he’s tired of supporting the kids and I, I’m useless, I’m a burden to everyone…  You name it, he went off about it! He also said he expected to be first in not only my life, but everyone’s lives!  Voices were definitely raised.  At about 11:30pm, I assumed the kids were asleep.  I went into my room in tears and there sat both kids, wide awake.  My daughter came up to me, gave me a big hug and asked if my hubby made me cry again, and that she was going to tell him to stop yelling at me.  It was heart wrenching to know they heard everything.  I felt like such a horrible parent!

The next morning, he left for work at 7:30am and I did some research.  I sent an email to one of the places that help women get out of abusive relationships.  I had my mind made up, enough is enough.  Especially now that I knew my children were being affected.  This morning, I received an email back saying the particular person I emailed was out of the office but she was transferring me to someone in “Victim Services.”  I read that and though “victim?”  I had never once thought of myself as a victim, but I suppose it’s the truth; that alone had me in tears.  I am a victim of my own husband, and the children, victims of their father.  It was quite a shock for me to read that, to think about it that way.  It was something I never considered and to have it said to me, even via email, it made my head spin.  For my kids, she’s suggested a program called “Children Who Witness Abuse.”  This will be good for them.  It will help them a lot.

I spoke to my sister after that who told me to call them instead, but I just couldn’t do it.  I was in tears and couldn’t talk about it because I’d start crying.  So she called down there and got me some information.  They wanted me to either call the women’s shelters they have, or call them.  I waited a couple hours, but I did call them.  She went on to explain what they do, and what abuse is.  She hit everything dead on.  I was shocked again.  I had no idea I was in a “typical” abusive relationship.  I have booked an appointment with my new worker for Thursday morning.  She said she has tons of things to show me and what not, I’m happy to have her even at this point.

I plan to speak to my husband sometime this weekend.  Fingers crossed things stay civil!

One thought on “First Steps To Leaving An Emotionally Abusive Marriage

  1. Pingback: First Meeting | Letters For Robin

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